


Giving In

by SlantedKnitting



Category: Merlin (TV) RPF
Genre: Angst, M/M, RPF
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-24
Updated: 2013-01-24
Packaged: 2017-11-26 16:59:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,460
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/652468
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SlantedKnitting/pseuds/SlantedKnitting
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p></p><div class="center">
  <p>Bradley finally caves in to his feelings but it doesn't go quite as well as he'd hoped (at first).</p>
</div>
            </blockquote>





	Giving In

**Author's Note:**

> Written for [Chelsea](http://excalibee.tumblr.com/) because she's awesome and also because she's an enabler.
> 
> Note: Inspired by tonight's NTA's, I guess. This vague plot has been in my head for a while but I didn't really have a setting for it until tonight.
> 
> Also please note that I wrote this for fun and for a friend, and so I am making no promises about quality.

Bradley mumbles an excuse to Rupert, who gives Eoin a sharp look as he stands up, but he ignores it. He doesn't care that his friends can see right through his bullshit because, for the first time, he's not even pretending anymore. He doesn't have any more defenses or excuses.

Getting backstage is surprisingly easy and it doesn't take Bradley long to spot Colin. He's making the rounds with photographers and reporters, smiling for the cameras and laughing with the interviewers. He looks calm and happy but Bradley can see the storm brewing behind his eyes. Bradley knows him well enough to know that all Colin is thinking about is calling home and getting a congratulations from his parents. Bradley knows him well enough to know that Colin is full of nervous energy and probably won't sleep properly for two or three days, until all the adrenaline of a massive public event and winning an award wears off.

Colin clearly knows Bradley well enough by now, too, because he sees Bradley almost immediately and all Bradley can do is smile dopily at him. The muscles in his face hurt from trying to hold back his grin and he's quickly losing the battle.

It takes a few minutes and feels like a few hours, but eventually Colin makes his way over to Bradley, still beaming uncontrollably. He bounces a little on his heels, now that he's in front of someone he knows and doesn't have to pretend to be in control of himself.

"Congratulations," Bradley blurts, his mouth suddenly empty of everything he wants to say.

Colin opens his mouth to reply but the next thing Bradley hears is soft chuckling in his ear because he's pulled Colin against him for a hug.

"Thanks," Colin whispers, sounding surprised.

Bradley pulls back sheepishly, blood roaring in his ears. He avoids Colin's gaze and nods towards a hallways that leads to the toilets. Colin raises his eyebrows but follows silently, his long fingers wrapped around his award with a vice-like grip.

There are a few stragglers in the hallway and Bradley actually considers dragging Colin into a toilet stall before they wander out and he and Colin are left alone.

"Are you staying for the after party?" Bradley asks after a long moment of nothing.

"Yeah."

Bradley nods and forces himself to look at Colin, even though he only gets as far as the award.

"Can I see?"

Colin holds it out and Bradley takes it out of his hands, weighing it in his own and examining the smudges that Colin left on it.

"Congratulations," he says again, managing to look up at Colin's face.

"Thanks," Colin says slowly, his brow furrowing slightly.

"I, um..." Bradley doesn't know what to say but he knows the moment is passing so he reaches out to give Colin the award back, making sure to hold onto Colin's wrist before Colin can pull away.

"Your hair looks ridiculous," he mutters.

"Thanks?"

Bradley tugs on Colin's wrist until Colin has to stumble forward and then he moves his hand to the back of Colin's neck. His fingers brush the collar of Colin's tux as their eyes lock together and all Bradley can hear is his own pulse and the shallow way Colin is breathing.

"I really--"

Bradley cuts himself off by pressing his lips to Colin's, but Colin doesn't respond. He stills under Bradley's hands and seems to wait patiently for Bradley to admit defeat and pull back with the fierce blush of humiliating rejection.

"What--"

"I thought -- sorry. I can't--"

"We went five fucking _years_ ," Colin hisses, stepping out of Bradley's reach. "You can't just -- just..."

"I'm sorry," Bradley says helplessly, staring down at Colin's shining shoes.

"I have to go back."

Bradley stays in the hallway, alone, until someone else wanders in and he goes to hide in a toilet stall, instead.

The after party is a blur. He sticks to Rupert's side, letting Eoin and Alex do their drunken mingling and steadfastly avoiding Colin. It takes very little effort because Colin is doing the same exact thing, but he looks a lot happier about it.

Not for the first time, Bradley is stunned at Colin's ability to compartmentalize. He's never been very good at it himself, unless he's acting, but Colin is a constant picture of control and nonchalance.

By the time he gets home, Bradley is drunk and on the verge of sticking his head into the toilet bowl for some emotional relief, so he calls ones of his sisters and falls asleep to the sound of her telling him off for waking her up in the middle of the night.

 

**\---x---**

 

Two excruciatingly long weeks pass before Bradley's mobile rings with the song he's imagined so often over the past few days that he almost doesn't register what's happening. He only barely manages to answer in time.

"Hi, hi -- hello?"

For a while, there's nothing but silence and Bradley's heart sinks at the possibility that Colin pocket-dialed him.

"I'm sorry."

Bradley can't hold back his sigh of relief.

"You're not the one who should be apologizing."

"It doesn't matter." Colin's voice is low and thick, like he's hiding in a corner trying not to be overheard. "Can I come over?"

"You're -- in London?"

"For a few days. Are you home?"

"Yes."

"I'll be there soon."

The call ends and Bradley stares blankly at his mobile for a moment before rushing into action. His flat is a complete mess and he hasn't showered in four days. He has no idea how far or close Colin in, so he throws everything he can get his hands on into his bedroom closet and takes the shortest shower he can manage.

When he's dressed again and Colin's still not there, Bradley begins to worry. He checks his mobile to see if Colin has called or texted, but there's nothing.

It takes 45 minutes for Bradley's doorbell to ring, and by then he's dangerously close to pulling out his hair. He buzzes Colin into the building without checking who rang and waits a minute for Colin to run up the two flights of stairs to his flat.

He opens the door at the first knock and Colin's fist almost goes into his face.

"Sorry, I--" Colin lowers his hand. "Were you just... waiting on the other side of the door?"

"No," Bradley lies.

Colin smirks and Bradley steps aside to let him in, feeling slightly more at ease in the familiarity of their banter.

Bradley closes the door and takes a deep breath before gesturing toward the kitchen. "I made tea, if you--"

His grunt is captured by Colin's lips as he gets pushed back against the door, cold hands holding onto his neck so hard that he can barely breathe.

"I hate you," Colin whispers when he breaks the kiss after only one brief second, leaning his forehead against Bradley's. "Why couldn't you just let it be?"

"I couldn't anymore. You looked so... fucking happy and beautiful and I just couldn't... I couldn't stop myself."

Colin shakes his head and takes a step back, but Bradley moves with him, unwilling to let this go so easily now that he knows it's not one-sided.

"Please don't--"

"We have to go slow," Colin says, his tone stern despite the tremor in his voice. "I can't jump into this like we're not already... not already in this."

"Okay," Bradley agrees even though he's not sure what Colin means or what he's agreeing to.

"I mean it." Colin frowns and his eyes lands somewhere near Bradley's neck as he talks. "I'm only here for a few days. We can... I'd like to see a movie. And... we can have dinner. But then I'm going back to Ireland and you're just going to have wait for me, okay?"

"Okay."

Colin takes a deep breath and Bradley sees his shoulders go down a few inches on his exhale as he finally relaxes.

"Okay."

"Can I -- can I at least kiss you?" Bradley asks, unable to stop himself from reaching out and touching Colin's arm, just because he can.

"For a minute," Colin says quietly. "But then I'd like some of that tea."

Bradley smiles and moves in for a proper kiss and this time both of them are ready for it, with soft lips and sighs, with gentle touches and gasps, until Colin steps away with a flush on his cheeks.

"Tea?" he asks, his voice high and nervous.

Bradley leans in for another kiss, this one soothing and comforting and full of promises.

"Tea," he says when he finally convinces himself to start moving toward the kitchen. "And then I think you said something about a movie?"

Colin follows with a smile.


End file.
